Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
