No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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