So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
