just come out here and I will go home with you...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
