Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
