my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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