dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize