I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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