i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
