whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
