just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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