The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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