I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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