So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
