I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
