The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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