Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize