I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
