I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just had sex on a roof
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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