I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
