he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
