My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize