Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
