I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
