somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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