SEEEEXXX PLEASE
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
