dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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