My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
