I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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