ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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