Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
