can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
