we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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