my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
