literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
