you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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