Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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