I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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