is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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