The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
