Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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