i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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