You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
