I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
