I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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