he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
