Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
