Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
