plz talk dirty to me
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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