My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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