Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
