I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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