You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
