Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
