i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
