Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
