martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
