I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
3 2 1 whiskey
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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