READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
