he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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