I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
