I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
