You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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