Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
