Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
