You just made me feel so damn special
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
